Do It for Your Future Self

I have found, or re-found, some concepts lately that have been reinvigorating and have given me optimism. My post this week is about sharing those tips, which involve small changes in thinking that have given me a the better sense of well-being.

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Your future self. Maybe you have heard this terminology before, maybe you haven’t. For those who haven’t–the future-self, past-self and present-self can be helpful terms and concepts in the self-help world. The words define themselves. Their power is in helping people to shift their way of thinking about identity. With these terms, one can say, “That is something my past self did,” allowing for a separation of past-self that allows the present-self to be more objective. The power also involves our relationship with ourselves: We can express gratitude for our former versions of ourselves saying, “I am thankful that my past-self did that because I am enjoying — in the present.” We can also extend courtesies to past-self, forgiving our past-self who didn’t know what the present-self knows. We can also readjust our current habits and choices in light of looking out for our future-self. This last thought is where I have been living lately.

In Bad Ass Habits, Sincero takes readers through an intuitive process of listening to current thoughts around a habit or result they would like to create. This process involves noticing how your current thinking about a habit makes you feel and then trying on opposing thoughts until finding the one that feels the best. Maybe a thought makes you feel comforted, motivated, or inspired… This might be a good thought to wear as opposed to the Mad Hatter’s rawhide thought inducing anxiety, uncertainty, or even the dreaded self-loathing. Now, I want to note here that Sincero shares her ideas in a fun, spunky and comedic manner. Her tone is delightful, down-to-earth and will make you want to keep listening past the prescribed Chapter-a-day for 21 days. Her connection of feelings and habits also provides a feminine touch that often feels lacking from other helpful, but objective and formulaic habit-changing books out there. This thought-replacement process begins in the introductory chapters and then feeds into and is solidified by day 1: Create Your Mantra. It is also reinforced throughout the 21-days. (I swear make no money in my review here–My words come freely as an expression of how much I appreciated this book.)

My Experience

Sincero’s thought-replacement process uncovered more than I expected–much to my delight. I thought I had picked up the book to help me lose those 10 pounds of divorce weight–It has to be a thing–, but early on in her process, I noticed something bigger going on: I was becoming aware of my hang-ups around many issues. As I became more aware, I slowed down in my ingestion of the book and decided to devote the recommended week to the introductory chapters instead of rushing through them to get to the “good part.” I took my time choosing just the right habit and creating a mantra that would help me overcome the unearthed mind-demons in need of exorcising. In this same time period, I had also taken on a week-long Weakless Challenge–more on that later…

So what does all of this have to do with future-self? Well, it goes back to those mind-demons–the unwanted, unacknowledged negative thoughts and thought-patterns, especially related to my self-concept, that I had been accepting as reality. It also goes back to the replacement thoughts I was trying on and one in particular that felt good.

Tip 1: Think of your Future Self

What I uncovered was a lack of self-trust. The process of divorce and re-entering the world single had left my relationship with myself altered and uncertain. Somewhere along the way I had lost faith in myself and my ability to build a better future: The future that I wanted for myself.

Ouch, right?

How did I discover this? I made this self-discovery when trying on replacement thoughts for “I make bad decisions that make it hard to change.” I tried on a few statements, but eventually came to the statement “I take care of my future self with the choices I make today.” The moment, I said that phrase, a sense of calm, hope, and maybe even a tinge of excitement came over me. These were the feelings I was looking for…and I knew I had found my words.

As I write this, I am on week 3 of using this mantra–and while I don’t have rocking arms, an overflowing bank account, and a Jamaican holiday planned; what I do have is 3 weeks of improved mood, more “little” items off my to-do list, and 2 solid weeks of sticking to my 5-day-a-week weight-lifting routine.

Now, I want to take a moment here to acknowledge that my personal future-self work and journey is also built on a foundation I laid listening to Brooke Castillo’s Life Coach Podcast. Castillo’s podcast originally taught me the frameworks of past-, present-, and future-self years ago. Doing the Bad Ass Habits work evoked these tools back into my conscious toolbox. It was a rediscovery and reunion of sorts–yet in a new way, at a new time.

Tip 2: Stop Complaining

What other reunions and rediscoveries were uncovered? The other big one was noticing when I was complaining–I’m too tired, I’ve had a long day… I will skip the gym just this once because I deserve to go home and crawl under my covers and hide. As, I mentioned earlier, this summer I also took on the Weakless Challenge, completing a weeklong webinar series by Jason Seib, which I found a delightful way to kick off my half-marathon training. It gave me a window into how much I was complaining to myself in my head and how disempowering these thoughts were. Noticing these thoughts and labeling them allowed me to put the kibosh on any excuses that arose during my training. Now, I will admit that once the school year hit and I returned to work, it was easy to forget to watch out for these, and complaining thoughts began creeping back in. Still, when they did, I would eventually recognize them and their impact on my mood. Essentially, this worked allowed me to acknowledge complaining thoughts, release them and move on or replace them as needed.

Now, on side note–the point of noticing complaining thoughts is not to beat yourself up or to expect to vanquish all complaining. The point is to be aware and to consciously decide whether these complaints are going to rule your roost.

Being aware of when I am in a self-pitying, complaining mode has helped me to put on the brakes before making a decision these last few weeks:

Am I wanting that chocolate because I have had a really hard day and deserve it? Nope–not this time–I don’t want to reinforce bad habits as an escape! Maybe what I really need is some deep breathing, a moment of sunlight, a fresh glass of water, and a self-encouraging thought.

Am I wanting to skip the gym because I have had such a hard day? EEERCH! Slam on the brakes. I think it is time to take a breath and ask myself what will benefit my future-self the most: How will I feel tomorrow if I go home vs. go to the gym? Maybe I will just give myself an “out” for a few less miles or minutes of cardio instead of forgoing the gym completely. Or maybe I will go to the gym and complete my full plan because I know that is what will make my future-self feel best.

Bringing it Together

The way these two tips and habits have complemented each other has been enlightening and motivating experience. When I find myself complaining in the moment, I conjure up the concept of my future-self and ask what would make a better future for my future-self. When I have done that in the past few weeks, what I have found isn’t myself “living in the future” or that this thinking is “sucking all the fun out of the present.” What I have actually found is myself liking my present-self more (probably because I am building trust between my past-, present-, and future-self), and, almost miraculously, I have also found myself listening to the true messages of my present-self instead of falling into repeated, unwanted escapism to block these messages out.

So… I hope these tips and how they have helped me are useful to you. I urge you to try them on–listen to how your thoughts around decisions and habits are making you feel, try making decisions with your future-self in mind, especially when you find yourself complaining or having a bad day. And if you want to uncover your own inner-demons. I know a book that I have found helpful. 😉